I went through a year or so period when I completely forgot to care about myself. Let me tell you, THAT IS THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE PATH you can choose for yourself.

I thought that because I was the mother, it was truly, solely, unequivocally up to me to raise these children right.  There is a stigma that women have to do it all.  You “need” to cook, clean, do crafts, plan play dates, look put together, have a perfect marriage with perfect kids, and perfect hair… really, you NEED to be happy.  The message out there is mixed up.

It should always be about metal and emotional stability.  That is the only real thing to worry about.  That is what our world needs.  Stability.  Too many people are unbalanced, struggling to be happy with themselves, and adding to that, a baby- it’s crazy.

I chose to stay at home for the first few years with my children. It was what I felt strongly about, and my husband worked very hard to make that a possibility.  I am so grateful for that experience: the good, the bad, the ugly, the unspeakable. It was the best choice that we could have made. I was able to show them love and attention that I feel young ones need.

The downside to that amazing gift to us all is that it is near impossible to remember that you, the mom, were a person, an independent, living, breathing, eating human! There were days that I don’t even remember if I had eaten, showered, gone to the restroom.  It makes opportunities to go out seem hard . There is so much to do: bathe, brush teeth and hair, makeup, eating, talking to adults about things you were too tired to care about. Friends disappear because kids are time consuming and require planning.

Unfortunately, it makes being half of a married couple lead to anxiety: conversation, MORE physical touch, sharing a sleep space. It’s not anyone’s fault. It isn’t a choice, it happens. Little by little, day by day. It multiplies, it grows, it takes over.  I know it doesn’t happen to every one, but it happened to me. I allowed myself to take the responsibility for everyone and everything.

I have found myself again.  It took time, patience, goal setting. I find myself a little more every time I make a choice taking my happiness into consideration. I have also noticed positive changes in the people I care most about. There are more fits of laughter than fits of anger. There are more snuggles than time outs. Family outings are always a joy, never a chore. My marriage is coming back to a partnership, a successful union, a dream come true.